Yellow Pages
by Surreal Squirrel
Summary: When Sanctuary is accidentally gets in the Yellow Pages, they receive some odd calls.
1. Herding Fuuuun

Mary Doolie couldn't wait a minute longer for Jimmy to come. Those cows were getting wild. She needed someone to help her herd them. Mary went and got the Yellow Pages and looked for animal catchers. She soon found what she wanted; 'Sanctuary'. It said they caught loose and wild animals. Perfect. She called the number, and a young man answered.

"Sanctuary. Can I help you?" He asked cheerfully.

"Yeah, I got some animals on the loose. They be getting restless. I need someone to capture 'em for me. Can ya help?" Her country accent was heavy.

"Sure thing. Where are you?"

--o—o—o—o—o—o—o—o—o—o—o—o—o—o—o –

The Sanctuary team geared up. Ashley was excited. Will was slightly scared. Henry was ready. Magnus was worried, as usual, for her kids' safety.

"Are you all ready?" Helen asked.

"Yep."  
"Mhm."

"Sure thing."

"Tasers? Guns? Nets? Tranquilizers?" She questioned.

"Check…..times four." Henry replied.

"Then let's go!" Ashley exclaimed.

--o—o—o—o—o—o—o—o—o—o—o—o—o—o—o—

As they arrived at Mary's farm, they looked around for any sign of an abnormal and were confused when they found none. No claw marks, no destruction. Nothing.

Mary opened her front door and called them over. They went to meet her and she greeted them warmly.

"Howdy, ya'll. Glad ya came. Them cows been getting feisty. Best hurry and catch 'em 'fore they start a riot." The team looked at each other with wide eyes. Cows? They drove to some lady's farm to herd _cows? _

"Um, ma'am, did you say we were going to be herding cows?" Ashley asked, being way more polite than normal.

"Why yes, darlin'. That's why I done called yer up." More surprised faces.

"Oh. Well, let's get started." Henry said, thankful they couldn't yell at him for answering the phone in front of her. Mary led them to the cows and then left.

Five were out of their enclosement, and the other ten were starting to follow. They stood and stared, not knowing what to do at all.

"So…….." Will started.

"I guess we could run into the gates and hope they follow us. Or we could find the keys to that tractor and……catch them." Henry suggested, looking over at the huge green tractor. The others agreed it was a good plan, so while Ashley and Henry jumped around like idiots trying to get the cows' attention, Magnus and Will searched for the keys. They looked in the hay barn, the garage, and the feed barn with no luck. They were about to look in the pigs pen when Will happened to walk by the tractor and saw the keys in the ignition. Magnus and Will felt very stupid. Once she got over the stupidity, Magnus climbed in the tractor and rode over to the cows. She tried to get them to follow her, she really did, but they just wouldn't.

Very frustrated, she called out, "Get the tranqu guns! Shoot 'em down!" She jumped out of the useless vehicle and grabbed a tranquilizer.

Henry, Will, and Kate stared in shock while Helen shot one of the cows, got back in the tractor, lifted the cow with the front end loader, and hauled it inside the gate. The trio snapped out of it, and helped the enraged woman with the rest of the cows. Ashley thought it was fun. (She'd been wanting to try out these new tranqu guns and what better way to test them out than on a bunch of fat cows?) Will was worried Magnus was going crazy again, and Henry was just happy he wasn't jumping around like a clueless cheerleader anymore.

Once the cows were all back in their field, they went to tell Mary they were done.

"They fell asleep as soon as they got back in." Magnus lied. Then they parted and headed back to the Sanctuary.

--o—o—o—o—o—o—o—o—o—o—o—o—o—o—o—

Back in his lab, Henry was busy.

"What're you doing, Henry?" Ashley asked.

"Just getting us off the Yellow Pages." He responded nonchalantly.

"Good plan." Ashley said. She much preferred dangerous abnormals than fat, boring cows. Then she left to go check on her Nubbins.

~Fin~

A/N – This actually happened at my farm. Except only one cow got out and it was just my mom, dad, Aunt Sharon, and me. Very boring!

Dedicated to my Aunt Sharon. She was the one that got the cow back in, and I was the clueless cheerleader, jumping around like and idiot!

**Please R&R. I love getting reviews. **


	2. Raccoon Will CRAZINESS!

Henry was super excited. Frank Morillo had just called saying there was a dangerous creature in his neighborhood. Helen had suggested he take Kate and Will; she was busy, Ashley was off searching for some more weapons, and she figured the three could handle themselves.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

As they arrived at Frank's gated community, Kate gasped. The houses were practically mansions, and each had huge pools and backyards.

"Whoa." The trio said in unison.

A man who they assumed to be Frank came up to them with a smile that made his face crinkle.

"HI. I'm Frank. You must be my creature catchers." No one wanted to answer; the man was kind of intimidating. He looked like he might be seven feet tall. Kate eyed Will long enough to scare him enough to answer first.

"Hi. Uh, I'm Will. And this is Henry, and uh, Kate."

"Nice to meet you all. The animal has recently been spotted over there by that storage shed." Frank said, pointing to the shed. "Well, I'll just leave you to it." He went back to his mansion paradise.

The trio walked over to the shed, but all they saw was a huge raccoon. Henry guessed it was probably three feet tall.

"What is _that_?" Kate questioned. She was pretty sure she knew what it was, but she wanted to have it confirmed. She didn't want to put herself out there as crazy or something.

"It's……..a raccoon." Henry sighed. "Let's get to work." The other two looked at him like he was nuts, but then shrugged. It's not like they had anything better to do.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"GAH!" Will screamed his Wilhelm scream, while clutching his left leg.

Henry and Kate looked over at him warily; it was never good when he screamed.

"My leg! Ahhhh!" He shouted dramatically.

They saw the raccoon run away, and figured it had bitten their girly co-worker. They sighed and helped him to the van, where he started shaking violently, and foaming at the mouth. His eyes zoomed around wildly, and he looked like he was losing 'it.' If he ever had 'it.'

"We should probably get him back to the Sanctuary, shouldn't we?" Kate asked, while looking disgustedly at his sizzling mouth.

"Yeah……..we should." Henry said reluctantly, as they drove away. Will was his friend, but he found his current twitchy-spazzy situation hilarious.

The rabid raccoon, who they'd named Bert, was all but forgotten.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Kate and Ashley, now best friends, walked into the almost empty infirmary.

"D'ya think he'll make it?" Kate wondered.

"He has to," Ashley replied, "Otherwise we'll have to find another pansy."

The duo walked away, in search for potential pansies………just in case.

A/N : I love Will, but the opportunity to make him make a super fool of himself was right in front of me. So of course, I did it.

Hope you liked it! This is my first second chapter of my 6th story. If that makes sense at all.

Did anyone just watch Idol Gives Back? I did. (I'm an American Idol fanatic) I screamed with joy when Tim got voted off. (Sorry Tim-ites) Next week, hopefully, Casey will go.

I should really go to bed, before I lose 'it'. Just like the girly pansy. (Well, all pansies are girly…..so I guess it's kinda obvious……..)

Read. (Check!) Review. (Almost check.) :P


	3. Shark attack! JAWS!

Ashley and Will put on their scuba gear, and dove into the water. Apparently, there were two vicious creatures in the middle of the ocean.

For some reason, and it couldn't be that lately every call they got had been phony, everyone was suddenly busy when they received the call. So Ashley and Will set out alone, feeling kind of awkward. Will was still recovering from his 'horrible, life threatening' raccoon bite, and Ashley always felt that he was going to psycho-analysis her.

They swam around, searching for the abnormals, when Ashley would have sworn she heard Jaws music. Two sharks circled the duo, and Will started screaming his normal scream. Ashley wasn't panicking, they were just little sharks. She'd dealt with much worse. One of the sharks swam up to her, and nuzzled her kindly. (if a shark can nuzzle anybody….or be kind.) She 'petted' it gently. The shark (or dolphin, rather) splashed her, and she giggled. She then looked back over to her partner, who seemed like he was frozen on the spot. Frozen, but floating. His eyes were bugged out, and his hair was sticking straight up. She followed his eyes and saw another huge dolphin; only this was mean-looking. Its teeth were long, and sharp, and they were inches away from Will's face. For a fleeting second, she wondered how he had missed that.

She waved her hand in front of his face, hoping he would snap out of it and swim away, while also half-hoping he wouldn't. It would make things so much easier and productive is she could just pull him away silently, instead of him kicking and screaming and splashing everywhere.

She reached out and grabbed him arm, but was still aware of the vicious creature in front of them, who, at that very second, decided to attack Will. She swam away quickly, and covered her eyes as his leg was torn off.

"Oh well," Ashley thought, "at least now he won't complain that the raccoon bite hurts."

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Kate liked Will, she really did, but he was just so annoying! So she wasn't too upset when he got himself in the infirmary, close to death………again. She knew he would make it, (unfortunately, he always did) so why not enjoy a few freaky-dancing-doctor-free weeks?

She needed some time to think of some more insults, anyway.

_A/N: Dedicated to Fell4, who gave me the idea. I hope you like it! :P _

_Three updates in one month? It's unheard of! :)  
_

_I know this would never happen in real life, but I can dream, right? (Yes. I dream about Will getting attacked by vicious creatures. He's such a pansy!) :D _

_Even though it's kinda pointless, I really like doing this story. Any ideas for the next chapter? Tell me! Please! _

_R&R. _


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